When you became a dad your whole life changed, didn’t it? You learned to function with a lot less sleep. If you have a boy, you learned to get that diaper on quick, otherwise you could look like a fireman desperately trying to get a runaway firehose under control. And if you’re like me, you learned about your baby’s first alien-like poop that would make a buzzard wretch. Since Amanda was confined to her hospital bed, it was up to me to change Jack’s first tar-like nightmare of a diaper the night he was born. My brother in law was technically there, but all he did was have dry heaves from a distance. By the time it was over, Jack and I were crying and Amanda couldn’t stop laughing.
But probably the most significant change that happened when you became a father was that you instantly fell in love with another human being that you just met. The love you have for your child would cause you to die for him without even thinking about it. Your life changed that day and as a new dad you wanted more than anything to be a good father.
Now listen to me, men. I am about to say something that you probably won’t like and it should hit home with all of us.
If you are not laying down your life for your wife, if you’re not putting her needs above your own, if she is not the most important thing in your life apart from God and if your love for your children doesn’t pail in comparison to that of her, then you are not a good father, no matter what you think.
How can I say this? I can say it because it is what Scripture teaches us by way of priorities. Nowhere in the Bible will you find a command to love your children. It is implied throughout that we love them, because we should, but it is not commanded. Likewise, it is not said that a parent and child are one flesh, even though we have more in common with them biologically than we do our spouse. And nowhere in Scripture does it say we need to understand our children (sorry child psychologists). There is nothing to understand. They are fools. Rather, they need to understand God's word.
This is what Scripture says:
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
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“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.“ Ephesians 5:25-28
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“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7
You might ask why I am talking about this if the purpose of these DDT’s are to help dads disciple their children. The answer is that if you attempt to raise your children to become true followers of Christ, yet don’t sincerely love and care for their mother, you might as well forget it. The result will be that they depart from the faith the first chance they get or they will become just as big of a hypocrite as you are or worse.
Loving your wife as you ought is hardest thing you will ever do. It is the hardest thing you will EVER do. You must understand, though, that it is the most important thing you will ever do as well.
(Continued tomorrow)
Tip: Repent of not loving your wife as Christ has exampled. Pray that God would turn your heart to her, so that you will be able to lead your children with integrity and without hindrance. And here is the hard part: Talk to her about this. If God is convicting you to start making changes in you life as a husband and dad, tell her. Trust me, she won't know if you don't tell her and it will leave her confused and you frustrated. You can't disciple your kids without her understanding and support.
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